He’s a goat and he talks?

Come See The Amazing Talking Goat!
Come on…you know you want to see him. He’s a freaking talking goat!
It’s not everyday you see a talking goat! Come on! He’s a goat and he’s talking! Wow!

Yes, Yes, Look at me, I’m a talking goat.
Now go mind your own business!
let’s see, what’s so special about this Talking Goat?

* he’s a goat
* he talks
* he can talk while, at the same time, mind you, he’s a goat!

Here’s a quote from him recently:

“Yes, yes, hello. I’m a freakin’ talking goat. Yes, go ahead and have your laughs, cause I’m a freak of nature! Yippee! A talking goat, imagine that! Yea, well imagine a freakin’ 4-inch hoof up-side yo head, pal! Now go on and git ‘fore I lose my temper, boy!”

Alright, alright, I believe that’s enough from the goat.
We’ll try talking to him again lat…
Hello, hello, this is the Talking Goat here again, and if you’re still on my stinkin’ page then I’ll go ahead and tell you a few things about myself:

# I’m a Freakin’ Talking Goat, and if that kind of stuff freaks you out and makes you feel uncomfortable, then Tuff Stinkin’ Cookies! (mmm…cookies…you know that does sound rather good right now. Some of them nice…uh…how do you say…oreo cookies with just a small, little squirt of goat milk from Mrs. Talking Goat. Yumm, yumm, just delicious.)
# Yummmm! Some cookies certainly do sound very good right now, I think I’m going to have to get Mrs. Talking Goat to get me some. (Hey! Mrs. goat, you old, stinking sack of goat manure, hand me some oreos!)
# Some people have told me I have somewhat of a temper sometimes, but I don’t know what they’re talking about. (Hey! Where are my Stinking cookies! What!?! There are none left! oh, now you’ve done it you smelly horse-monkey; you finished them all off! I’m going to take my Freakin’ hoof and…


…and I won’t stop until your dad’s horns poke out the other side and they have to slice you all up to pull all of them back out again!)
# I also like long walks on the beach and women who aren’t afraid to “push the limits” of the “natural order” of things.

Now that you know a bit more about the amazing Talking Goat, now it’s time to learn a little bit about his wonderful family!
Yes, yes, I have a family. I may be nothing but cheap entertainment for you, but I do have a freakin’ life. So go ahead, look through my freak-show of a family, but it’s all I’ve got you stinking, putrid…uh…bad person. (I’ve been trying to curb my temper lately; the stress has been horrible. But what are you to do when you’re a Freak of Nature! Why the hell did I become a stinkin’ Talking Goat! Why Me! Why Me!
Oh, here are my kids who do nothing but stink up the whole stinking barn with the putrid stench of dried-up manure smeared all over their rancid hide. I’m going to Kill them some day!

Click on the cute, little family member you’d like to see and hear about!

Yea! What Fun!
My Smelly Ole’ Wife!

My Freakin’ Father!

My Stupid, Cowboy Brother!

My Lazy, Good-For-Nothin’ Uncle!

Hey, what other cool stuff can we check out on the Amazing Talking goat’s Totally Amazing Web Page? Let’s check it out!
(Click On The Flower To Access The Exciting Web Adventure Of Your Choice)

The Talking Goat’s Favorite Goat Poetry! (yes, yes, I read some stinking poetry, so go ahead and read the stuff or get outta here!)

The Talking Goat’s Renowned Opinions On Various Important Life Issues And Problems! (I’m way ahead of my time. For a goat, that is)

Opinions Of Others On The Very Famous, And Very Handsome Talking Goat, Himself! (Don’t you believe a word they say; It’s all lies I tell you! All lies! I didn’t know she was Farmer Hutchinson’s wife, honest! I thought she was Mrs. Talking Goat, I tell you! It was all her; I didn’t want to do it! She consented, go ask her; I’m the good guy here! I didn’t do anything wrong! You can’t prove a thing! Wait, what am I saying. . .uh. . .let’s pretend none of that was just said just then. yep, that’s right. You didn’t hear a thing!)

Check Out The Talking Goat’s All-Time Favorite Web Links. Their Cool Like Ice, Baby! (Just a few of the sites I like to check out. And for all of you perverts out there, there’s no porno-pages on the list, because I’m not the type of goat to go surfing around the net for porno pictures. That’s right, if there’s one thing I’ve never done and will never, ever, do again tommorrow, it’s looking at porno over the web. Nope, nope, this is the Talking Goat here telling you I’ve never visited a porno site every day as much as I possibly can. I mean, huh, huh, that would be perposterous. Me, a talking goat, checking out porno. Ha! It has most definitely never happened. No sir, never!)

If you wish to speak to the almighty talking goat, click talking-goat@geocities.com, and ask out loud, politely, “oh, ye blessed goat of speech, I wish to speak to ye.” You’ll be allowed to e-mail the omnipotent creature, himself, and perhaps he will, in his infinite wisdom, respond to your bidding.
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